Hello wonderful humans,
It's been a minute, hasn't it?
Did you know Mailchimp deletes your account if you don’t use it for a year? I didn’t until this morning when I tried to import my subscriber list. What a cool feature!
I’ve been contemplating starting a newsletter again for a few years but never felt that I had anything of value to add to the discourse. If you’re like me, you consume so much media on any given day. I didn’t (still don’t if we’re being honest) know if I should add to the daily deluge of stuff. How many 20-something white women have blogs/newsletters/brands today that are all about their lives and musings and takes on the latest this and that? A lot. Who am I to add to the noise? No one really. So why am I doing this? I’m not entirely sure. Part of my motivation is that I want to get back in the habit of writing. The other reason is that during the recent uptick in the national interest in the BLM movement, quite a few people surprised me by reaching out to thank me for providing resources about combatting racism. I don’t think my voice should be elevated above others, but I’m glad people are listening. Dan (more on him later) and I have been making many intentional decisions in the past few months about the way we live that reflect our values. Maybe I’ll write about that in the future. I always love a reason to talk about why Nike is the worst!
A very brief update since the last time I wrote:
I moved back to the US in December 2016. I spent a month recuperating and processing (and wrapping myself in blankets and crying) with my family in the Chicago-area before moving to Washington, DC. I randomly applied for a job at a high-school because I liked DC well enough, had friends there, and met a cute guy who lived there. Now it’s 2020 and I have that same job and I married that cute guy. His name is Dan. He’s pretty gosh darn great. We didn’t think we’d spend the first six months of our marriage mostly in quarantine but then again if you had asked me in 2016 what I thought I’d be doing in 2020, I don’t know what I would have said. All I knew was that God was calling me to come back to the States, but I didn’t know why. I’m glad I listened.
I miss Guatemala every day. I talk to my Guatemalan mom every week and keep in touch with some of my friends and former students. In 2018 I returned for the first time and it was a very emotional experience. I would like to go back this October for their high-school graduation but I don’t know if that will happen. I’m very protective over my time on mission because it’s so special to me. (Special doesn’t even begin to do it justice.) I am extremely grateful to everyone who contributed either monetarily or spiritually to me. I hope that as time passes I can share more about my time on mission with the dignity the experience deserves.
Why now?
Today, I write to you in a spirit of vulnerability. Most days I feel very fragile, like the slightest wrong move could shatter me. This has been the least restful summer of my life. Normally during the summer my workload lessens and I’m able to travel a little. Obviously, that has not been the case this year. My colleagues and I are stressed about the well-being of our students and while I believe that everyone wants what is best for them we don’t all agree on how to go about that. I miss being able to go outside when I want, see my family and friends, and get a good night's rest after a productive day.
My heart has been so heavy over the past few weeks watching the state-sanctioned violence escalate against the peaceful protestors in Portland and where my siblings live in Chicago. I worry about the murder of Black people at the hands of the police and white indifference and ignorance. I worry about the safety of my siblings and friends at the protests. I worry about the continued loss of life at the hands of disease and the indifference and cruelty of government leadership. I worry about the health and safety of my students. I worry about the well-being of the unhoused people who hang out in the alley behind my apartment. I read about another terrible thing that just happened and worry some more.
I worry that when my day comes to leave this earth and I face my Creator will I be able to say that I did enough, helped enough, loved enough?
Last week while working on a presentation for work, I came across an incredible cover of the song "Something Has to Break." The lyrics hit me right in the gut. This song speaks to what I’m feeling in this time of racism, violence, and hatred that we’re living through. Prayer and action, friends. I offer this song to you and hope it resonates with you as much as it did with me.
After I listened to this song I thought of a passage from Luke.
"And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.” The Lord replied, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you." (Luke 17:5-6)
I will keep nourishing my tiny mustard seed. Some days it feels like all I can manage to do is give it a little drink of water or a bit of sunlight. And that’s okay. I pray that you keep cultivating yours as well.
Pop Culture I’m Consuming
I listened to the new Taylor Swift album. It was…fine? I wish I liked it more. If you want raw, emotional, female energy in your music, might I suggest Phoebe Bridgers’s latest album, Punisher?
Something I Care About
I volunteer with a local non-profit, Sanctuary DMV. We have been campaigning for many months to release the migrants detained at ICA-Farmville, a detention center in Virginia. They are currently experiencing the largest migrant detention center COVID outbreak in the country. Over 115 migrants have contracted this disease and their living conditions make social distancing impossible. Many inside have been on a hunger strike to protest the inhumane conditions they live in. If you could take a moment to read through the information and decide how you want to take action, I would be grateful.
Some Things Bringing Me Joy
The resurgence of Hip Hop Harry in the cultural consciousness
Looking up pigs available for adoption in my area
A course I took earlier this month through the Institute of Black Catholic Studies at Xavier University of Louisiana, “The Theology of Black Lives Matter”
My hand embroidery. (I embroider now! I’m actually decent at it?)
The trumpet from the first two seconds of “Rain On Me” (Dan does a good impression of it. Can you tell that we’ve been spending all our time together?)
The dogs we’ve been fostering during quarantine. So many cuties who need homes!
If you read this far, thanks! I’m not sure what my plans for this newsletter are. I’m thinking maybe a bi-monthly thing? What do you want to me to write about? I welcome feedback and suggestions. If you enjoyed this please share it with a friend!
I missed writing to you and I hope you are as well as you can be right now.
paz,
Maeve